Restoring Joy – Part 3

WEB TEAM Langley Church

Driving home Thursday I had an overwhelming sense of sadness. I’d been fighting this for a long time but I could no loner contain it. At home I couldn’t do anything but lie in bed and cry, one of those full body shaking experiences. I was silently screaming out to and at God that I couldn’t take or do anymore. The image of myself being strong and in control was ripped away.

The truth is this had been building for some time, I stubbornly fought against it with all of my will and power. I am a control freak and I did not want to share/burden others with the full reality of what I was wrestling with and instead tried to will my way through the pain I was feeling.

I listen to the internal lie that I am not valuable, that I am a nuisance for others; and I believe it. Additionally, there is anxiety/strain in my marriage, I feel like a failure as a dad/friend and to top it off…the pressures of living/leading through the current pandemic. All of this greatly affects how I see myself and because I was trying to control everything on my own, I was listening to the devil’s lies and not God’s truths.

As I tried to recover from the uncontrolled release of pain/loss/hurt/frustration, I was reminded of my Freedom Session journey that I worked through last year. I had me dig deep into past hurts. I explored my thoughts and resulting feelings/emotions. Then I allowed God to remind me of His truths, how He sees me and that He loves me. I need something like that now, I need to allow God to step into my life and walk with me so that I can return to a fuller/wholehearted life.

Three weeks ago I worked on the questions found in this link: Processing Emotional Hurt/Pain/Loss. Little did I know I would use them myself the last few days. I also recognize that dealing with the hurt/pain/loss from the death of someone close to you is different and if this is what you are working through I hope that the questions found in this link will help: Processing Hurt/Pain/Loss – Death of a Loved One.

This may not be an easy process to work through but I believe that you can do this and that God wants to walk this journey with you. Dig as deep as you can, be honest, be raw. God can handle anything you throw at Him. Don’t let shame/fear hold you back. Before you start, pray, ask God to reveal the truths you need to hear.

And if no one else says this to you today God loves you, I love you and you are not in this alone.

Written by Nathan Veenstra