Banished and Estranged – A follow up

There are times, even when we are committed to reconciliation, that we cannot reconcile with another person – they won’t have it…  When we realize that we have received grace from God in a measure that infinitely exceeds what we are due, we have to pass grace on.  The rub is that there are some people who don’t want to reconcile.  They are stuck in the emotion of the division or disagreement or the hurt.  There is no talking to them.  Maybe they have fled and won’t return.  Maybe they have banished you and basically excommunicated you from fellowship or family.  What do we do then?  I want to reconcile, yet the other person won’t have any of it…

As I reflect on this kind of situation, which several of us find ourselves in, I am comforted by God’s Word.  And I need this as much as anyone.  Tonight I go to attempt reconciliation with someone who may not receive my outstretched hand.  God has been working out the message of reconciliation in my own relationships as much as anyone.  And when I realize that Jesus outstretched his hands for me and took on my sin, I don’t need to look good in the eyes of others.  I don’t need to feel vindicated by the outcome.  I simply need to outstretch my hand to offer and ask for reconciliation.

I do not regard the other person from a worldly point of view any longer.  That’s our first realization.  As an ambassador of Jesus Christ, I view people from a heavenly point of view.  If another person doesn’t want to reconcile with me, they may also have issues in their heavenly relationship.  Certainly when I am holding a grudge, I would have to confess that I am not heavenly minded.  And so, an estranged person unwilling to reconcile with me should be viewed as God would view them.  They need grace and they need God’s perspective.  We can offer grace, and we can pray for them to see God’s perspective of life.

Even if they are holding our sins against us (and it’s hard to blame them), we ought to reflect Jesus and not hold their sins against them.  Jesus died for their sins.  Who am I to withhold forgiveness for sins committed against me?

My second lesson relating to the person who will not receive an offer of reconciliation is to take comfort in Paul’s words in Romans 12.  My responsibility to be at peace with people – to live in harmony with them, is guided by two factors: If it is possible, and as far as it depends on you.

Let’s start with as far as it depends on you. Our responsibility is to live in harmony, to be at peace, and to be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.  Keeping the peace is often difficult when there are competing interests.  God is our ultimate guide and authority when it comes to what is right.  And so at every turn, we are to take action to reconcile. We are to do our part. Even if they are not interested; even if we are rejected; and even if we are criticized or our reputation slandered.  If we have contact with that person, our attitudes, behaviour, and action should reflect the pursuit of peace and reconciliation. How hard is that? Our inspiration, however, is our Lord Jesus, who, when they hurled their insults at him, did not retaliate; when he suffered, made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly, (1 Peter 2:23).

If it is possible provides for two scenarios: it will be possible, or it won’t be possible.  We are only responsible, as we have reflected, for our part – for our actions.  If it is not presently possible, we must leave that in God’s hands.  We can pray for the possibility of reconciliation, yet we must cast any and all anxiety upon God for that possibility to play out.  I think a good posture in these situations is to be watchful.  Don’t consider the matter without hope forever.  Watch for God to provide possibility.  Watch for God to provide opportunity.  Watch for a softening of the other person.

Just as we find the father of the prodigal watching for his son, we should watch. “While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him,” (Luke 15:20).  We might feel, in that father’s shoes, like the prodigal son would never come back, as if there was no hope or possibility.  Remember, though, that with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26), and God can change any human heart.

As long as we live in the imperfect world, our pursuit of reconciliation can be rejected.  It takes two to reconcile. As you wait or deal with such a circumstance in your life,

• Keep viewing the other person from heaven’s perspective,
• Keep pursuing peace in every way you can, and
• Watch for God to make the impossible possible.

Amen.

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